" CLOSE SHAVE".......

"Ding ,Ding",went Waffler's phone.
Waffler up to that point had been in a deep sleep.
He looked at his watch and it's 10 am.
"Why did i not put my phone on silent?", he sighs as he
picks up the phone.
"Yeah",he yawns as he answers the phone.
"Waffler,are you still okay for that run out to the Airport at 12",a voice says on the other line.
"Yeah ,Johno ,no probs",yawns Waffler.
"Did you forget about it",says Johno."
"No ,you're grand ,Johno,I'll be there",he says.
Waffler hangs up and and thinks ,"Why did i say i would do it?".
Waffler had done a hard shift in his Taxi the night before and normally
did not rise out of bed till 2 pm.
He eventually climbs out of bed ,showers,has Breakfast and heads out to
Airport with Johno and his missus.
He heads back through Town without getting a fare so he decides to
head to his local bank to lodge some money.
He parks his Taxi in the bank car park and goes and does his Business in the bank.
After coming out the bank he crossed the road and goes in to his regular barber.
"Hello,Waffler,how are you doing ",says Sam the Barber.
"Alright ,Sammy",he says.
"Jump in the chair",says Sam,"The usual cut,Waffler?".

"Yeah,just a bit tighter at the sides this time,Sam,my hair grows so quick",says Waffler.
"At least you won't go baldy anytime soon ,Waffler",laughs Sam.
"True",laughs Waffler.
Sam finishes the cut and holds the mirror at the back of Wafflers head and says,
"How's that?".
"Sound",says Waffler.
Waffler throws him a tenner and says," Keep the 2  euro change."
"Cheers",says Sam.
Waffler throws on his Black Leather Jacket and Sams says ,"Jaysus, you're like your man out of Love/Hate,

What's his name,,,,,Ah yes you're like Tommy".
Waffler smiles and says ,"See ya ,Sam".
Waffler goes outside and crosses the main road and starts walking back up the road when
a car pulls up alongside him and two nasty looking individuals start eyeballing him.
"What's going on here?",thinks Waffler to himself.

Waffler keeps on walking slowly and the car is moving slowly beside him.
Next there are 2 cars parked in front of the car tailing Waffler when the Driver goes by them at speed and pulls into the car park and turns around and is facing out towards the road.
Waffler's car is parked right beside it.
Waffler takes his phone out of his pocket and pretends to be talking to someone on it.
He is doing his best to play it cool and he hasn't a clue what's going on as he'd never been in trouble in his
life.
He walks in to the car park through the pedestrian gate and walks behind the villains car who are
glaring at him.  Waffler sees the driver holding some object in his hand.
The driver is a monster in size.
Waffler continued to pretend to talk in to the phone wondering what was going to happen,when around the corner come 2 coppers on their cycles .
With that the villains take off like a rocket nearly knocking down one of the garda off their bikes.
In the heel of the hunt it turns out there was a contract out on some local hood who
  resembled Waffler.
"That certainly was a close shave",He thought to himself.
Waffler didn't wear that leather jacket for a long time after that.

"WHOSE YOUR DADDY?"
Waffler was driving through Portobello when a guy outside a late
night Club hailed his taxi.
The guy,around late 40s,gets in ,looks at Waffler and points up ahead and says
"Drive straight on".
In the cup holder Waffler had a used cup which he used as a rubbish bin for used
taxi receipts and small bits of rubbish.
The guy suddenly opens the window and grabs the cup and throws it out the window.
"What are you up to ?",says Waffler as he pulls up the car beside the kerb.
The guy just looks at Waffler with a drunken smile on his face.
"Go back and get that cup or we're not going anywhere",says Waffler.
"Why?",says the drunk.
"Because I have receipts in it and,I'll get done for it if they trace it back to me",says Waffler.
"Okay,I'll get it,but if your lying about the receipts ,I'll burst you",says the guy.
"You couldn't burst a balloon",thought Waffler to himself.
The guy gets the cup and gets back in and Waffler shows him the receipts
and the guy says ,"You're lucky".
"Whatever",says Waffler.
On they go and the guy says,"I was outside that club before you picked me up
and I was having a smoke when some guy tried to rob my packet of smokes......

Now I'm not a violent person but if someone upsets me......Well all I can say is an Ambulance took that guy away".
"I have a right one here",thinks Waffler to himself.
"Where I work I am the Daddy of the landing",says the guy.
"I am a prison officer and in my wing I tell the inmates.......I am your Daddy ,your Mammy and your best friend and i can also be your worst enemy",he says.

Again he says,"I'm not a violent person but if someone upsets me?".
The guy yaks all the way to his destination and Waffler was at the end of his tether,
because when they got there
 the guy wouldn't budge out of the taxi .
The guy kept going on and on and on.........finally Waffler had enough and says,
"You know the way your the Daddy of your prison wing?".
The guy looks at Waffler and says ,Yeah,Why?".
"Well I'm the Daddy of this Taxi ,not your Mammy ,not your best friend but maybe your worst enemy so out you get",says Waffler laughing
 "Okay,Okay",says the guy laughing,"Sometimes I go on a bit".
"Phew",gasps Waffler as he drives down the road to freedom.