BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

Sunday night shift,Waffler picks up a fare near the Spar in Phibsborough at about 3 a.m.
Woman late 40 s gets in,"I've had to walk up from Dorset st and no sign of a Taxi",she says.
"Where to?",says Waffler.
"Blancherstown", she says.
Off they go.
The radio is blasting out,"Welcome to the Hotel California".(one of Waffler's favourite songs).
"Is that Q102?",she says.
"No its actually 4 f.m.",says Waffler.
"I normally listen to Q",she says.
When they get to about three quarters of the way to their destination,the passenger who was
sitting in the front seat beside Waffler takes out her phone from her handbag.
She flips open her phone and says,"Oh,I have a missed call from my son,I better ring him ".
She rings the phone and says,"Oh no I don't believe you".
Suddenly the phone is on loudspeaker and her "Son", says," You left your purse and cigarettes here ,Ma".
"What am i going to do, I have no money at home ?",she says.
"Send the taxi man back to me and i will pay him,Ma ",Her son says.
Waffler decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
He dropped her to a Cul de Sac in her estate.
She gives Waffler her son's phone number and address and gets out of taxi.
While Waffler is doing a U-turn the" Lady " walks into her garden.
She goes to her front door and puts key to her door.
"Okay ",thinks Waffler ,"At least I can go back to her house if there's any problem".
Waffler goes around the corner and rings the number the woman gave.
A guy answers and tells Waffler to drop in to him when he gets back into town.
Halfway to town Waffler decides to ring the guy again and the phone is off.
"Oh,no Don't tell me I've been scammed",he thinks to himself.
He rings a few more times and no luck.
He gets to Cabra and gets another fare back to Blancherstown.
He drops the fare off and gets paid this time.
He goes back around to the estate where he dropped the woman and pulls up outside her "House".
The house is in darkness.Its now 4.30 a.m.
"Sometimes I hate this job",thinks Waffler.
"Maybe it's the wrong house",he thinks.
He decides to go to the local Garda station to tell them.
They go to the house and lo and behold there's no woman in the house.
The cops and Waffler apologise to the people for disturbing them.
"That's it ,no more being so trusting ,Thanks anyway lads",says  Waffler to the cops.
  Sometimes you just take people at face value and most people are sound.
Waffler starts the taxi and ,"Welcome to the hotel California",blasts out from the radio.
"Off we go again",thinks Waffler to himself,"You win some and lose some".

" I'LL BLOW MY OWN HORN"

Driving down the North Circular ,Waffler pulls over for 2 guys.
One guy opens the back door,The other one opens the front one with a rolled up cigarette.
"Can i get in with this",he says.
"Nah,sorry,just finish it before you get in,no probs",says Waffler.
The guys finish their "smoke" and get in.
"That was too nice to throw away",the guy says.
"Where to,lads?",says Waffler.
"Bring us over to Portobello",says the guy in the front .
"Okey dokey",says Waffler.
The guy in the back who was quite hyper pipes up,"How far away is that?".
"Not too far,about 15 minutes",says Waffler.
"Ah that's too far,lets go somewhere local",he says to the guy in the front.
"No we're going to Portobello,so calm down and chill",the guy in the front says.
The guy in the back keeps moaning about going there but after awhile Waffler and the guy in the front
ignore him.
They come to a traffic light where they would be turning left onto the Quays.
The filter light showed green to go straight and red to go left.
"Go go,do a sneaky left",says the guy in the front.
"Not a chance",says the Waffler.
"Go on ,I would",says the guy in the front.
"I'm the one driving ,Buddy ",says Waffler.
They go along the quays and the guy in the back starts moaning again.
They come to a bridge which they would be turning right onto to go south side.
The lights are green and just as they are about to turn right 2 guys and a girl walk onto the road on the Bridge.

The Waffler slows down ,he already has them covered.
Suddenly the guy in the front puts his hand on the car horn and blasts it.
"W.T.F.",says Waffler.
The guys in the middle of the road are outraged and they glare at Waffler.
Waffler points at the guy in the front seat and lets the pedestrians  know that it wasn't Waffler's
fault. They stop at a red light and Waffler gives out stink to the guy for doing what he done.
"I'll blow my own horn ,that was totally stupid of you",says Waffler.
"They shouldn't have crossed the road there", says the guy.
"You had a bit of road rage,there, and you're not even driving",says Waffler.
"Don't worry about it ,I'm a cop",says the guy.
"That's neither here nor there ",says Waffler.
Waffler gets to their destination asap.
"Sorry,again ",says the guy.
"Good luck",says the Waffler as he flies off down the road.
.

"WE'RE NOT ANIMALS".

A Few weeks ago this guy (about 45 year old) staggers out of a Chipper carrying a bag of chips and chewing on a chicken leg and swigging from a can of coke  gets into Waffler's taxi.

He puts the opened can on the floor behind Waffler ,"Oh o",thinks Waffler,"I don't want any spillages".

So Waffler picks it up and holds it while the guy buckles himself in.

"We're not all animals you know",says the guy as he sucks the last of the chicken leg.

"Sorry?",says Waffler.

"Us Travellers,we're no different to anyone else",says the guy.
"Sorry ,Boss but some of ye buffers piss me off",he says.

"Yeah,no problem",says Waffler,"What's a Buffer ?".
"Don't tell me you don't know what a buffer is?",says the guy.
"You're a buffer,all settled people are buffers",he says.
"Oh,i see,"says Waffler,"Anyway where are you off to?",says Waffler.

The guy tells Waffler where he's going and then says,"I'll tell you what,I'll give you 20 euros?".

The Waffler is happy with that and before he answers the guy says,"Do we have a deal,Boss?"..

"Yeah that's grand ,can you pay me now?", says Waffler.

The guy starts rummaging through his pockets and eventually hands Waffler 3 notes.

"That's 15 euros i gave you",he says.

Waffler looks at the notes,2 were 5 euro notes and the other was a receipt for, funny enough a 5 euro pint 

of Heineken.

"That's only 10 euros you gave me,buddy",says Waffler.

"No that's 3 fivers i gave you",he says.

Waffler show's him the receipt.

"Okay ,so ",says the guy and he takes out a handful of coins and hands them to Waffler.

"Here take what i owe you out of that and take a euro tip for yourself",says the guy.

Waffler takes the extra euro and thanks the guy.           ."Lets shake on it,Boss,that's our custom when a deal is done we shake hands",says the guy,as he offers his hand to Waffler to shake.. Finally they head off towards their destination.

"I live in a halting site",he says.

"Practically everyone on our site is related to each other,brothers,sisters,first cousins,second and even third

cousins",he says. "Every community has good and bad",he says.

"A lot of the buffers think we're all bad",he says.

"We have our ways and buffers don't understand us",the guy says.
"We eat,shit and piss the same as anyone else",he says.
They both have a laugh.

They get to their destination and shake hands.

Turns out the guy was sound.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
P.S.

Maybe it's an age thing as any problem the Waffler had before not only with Travellers but with other

people ,they have mainly been young,and of course alcohol is always a big factor plus other kinds of substances.  

There's always psychos out there regardless of their age or what community they're from ,but thankfully not too many.

The trick is you have got to try and avoid picking up any nutcases ,you only have a few seconds of a window before you pick someone up to decide if you think they are going to be troublemakers.................Oh the joys of a Taxi-Driver..................

" CLOSE SHAVE".......

"Ding ,Ding",went Waffler's phone.
Waffler up to that point had been in a deep sleep.
He looked at his watch and it's 10 am.
"Why did i not put my phone on silent?", he sighs as he
picks up the phone.
"Yeah",he yawns as he answers the phone.
"Waffler,are you still okay for that run out to the Airport at 12",a voice says on the other line.
"Yeah ,Johno ,no probs",yawns Waffler.
"Did you forget about it",says Johno."
"No ,you're grand ,Johno,I'll be there",he says.
Waffler hangs up and and thinks ,"Why did i say i would do it?".
Waffler had done a hard shift in his Taxi the night before and normally
did not rise out of bed till 2 pm.
He eventually climbs out of bed ,showers,has Breakfast and heads out to
Airport with Johno and his missus.
He heads back through Town without getting a fare so he decides to
head to his local bank to lodge some money.
He parks his Taxi in the bank car park and goes and does his Business in the bank.
After coming out the bank he crossed the road and goes in to his regular barber.
"Hello,Waffler,how are you doing ",says Sam the Barber.
"Alright ,Sammy",he says.
"Jump in the chair",says Sam,"The usual cut,Waffler?".

"Yeah,just a bit tighter at the sides this time,Sam,my hair grows so quick",says Waffler.
"At least you won't go baldy anytime soon ,Waffler",laughs Sam.
"True",laughs Waffler.
Sam finishes the cut and holds the mirror at the back of Wafflers head and says,
"How's that?".
"Sound",says Waffler.
Waffler throws him a tenner and says," Keep the 2  euro change."
"Cheers",says Sam.
Waffler throws on his Black Leather Jacket and Sams says ,"Jaysus, you're like your man out of Love/Hate,

What's his name,,,,,Ah yes you're like Tommy".
Waffler smiles and says ,"See ya ,Sam".
Waffler goes outside and crosses the main road and starts walking back up the road when
a car pulls up alongside him and two nasty looking individuals start eyeballing him.
"What's going on here?",thinks Waffler to himself.

Waffler keeps on walking slowly and the car is moving slowly beside him.
Next there are 2 cars parked in front of the car tailing Waffler when the Driver goes by them at speed and pulls into the car park and turns around and is facing out towards the road.
Waffler's car is parked right beside it.
Waffler takes his phone out of his pocket and pretends to be talking to someone on it.
He is doing his best to play it cool and he hasn't a clue what's going on as he'd never been in trouble in his
life.
He walks in to the car park through the pedestrian gate and walks behind the villains car who are
glaring at him.  Waffler sees the driver holding some object in his hand.
The driver is a monster in size.
Waffler continued to pretend to talk in to the phone wondering what was going to happen,when around the corner come 2 coppers on their cycles .
With that the villains take off like a rocket nearly knocking down one of the garda off their bikes.
In the heel of the hunt it turns out there was a contract out on some local hood who
  resembled Waffler.
"That certainly was a close shave",He thought to himself.
Waffler didn't wear that leather jacket for a long time after that.

"WHOSE YOUR DADDY?"
Waffler was driving through Portobello when a guy outside a late
night Club hailed his taxi.
The guy,around late 40s,gets in ,looks at Waffler and points up ahead and says
"Drive straight on".
In the cup holder Waffler had a used cup which he used as a rubbish bin for used
taxi receipts and small bits of rubbish.
The guy suddenly opens the window and grabs the cup and throws it out the window.
"What are you up to ?",says Waffler as he pulls up the car beside the kerb.
The guy just looks at Waffler with a drunken smile on his face.
"Go back and get that cup or we're not going anywhere",says Waffler.
"Why?",says the drunk.
"Because I have receipts in it and,I'll get done for it if they trace it back to me",says Waffler.
"Okay,I'll get it,but if your lying about the receipts ,I'll burst you",says the guy.
"You couldn't burst a balloon",thought Waffler to himself.
The guy gets the cup and gets back in and Waffler shows him the receipts
and the guy says ,"You're lucky".
"Whatever",says Waffler.
On they go and the guy says,"I was outside that club before you picked me up
and I was having a smoke when some guy tried to rob my packet of smokes......

Now I'm not a violent person but if someone upsets me......Well all I can say is an Ambulance took that guy away".
"I have a right one here",thinks Waffler to himself.
"Where I work I am the Daddy of the landing",says the guy.
"I am a prison officer and in my wing I tell the inmates.......I am your Daddy ,your Mammy and your best friend and i can also be your worst enemy",he says.

Again he says,"I'm not a violent person but if someone upsets me?".
The guy yaks all the way to his destination and Waffler was at the end of his tether,
because when they got there
 the guy wouldn't budge out of the taxi .
The guy kept going on and on and on.........finally Waffler had enough and says,
"You know the way your the Daddy of your prison wing?".
The guy looks at Waffler and says ,Yeah,Why?".
"Well I'm the Daddy of this Taxi ,not your Mammy ,not your best friend but maybe your worst enemy so out you get",says Waffler laughing
 "Okay,Okay",says the guy laughing,"Sometimes I go on a bit".
"Phew",gasps Waffler as he drives down the road to freedom.

LIGHTS OUT

Waffler was out one Friday working away when his belly started
rumbling so he thinks to himself,"Right i am off for some grub".
As he was near Baggot st he decided to head to Burger King.
So he pulls up in his old Mercedes c180 and parks it
outside the Burger joint and a guy asks him if he was available.
"Nah ,i am Lee Marvin ",he says to the guy,patting his stomach as he headed inside.
There's not too many people inside.
"Yes ,sir,can i help you?",says the guy at the counter.
"Can i have a Chicken Royale meal ,please,says Waffler.
 "Medium or Large and what to drink ,sir ?",says the guy.
"Medium and give us a Latte,please",says Waffler.
Waffler paid the guy ,took his food and sat down in a seat
facing the front door.
Waffler eats a couple of chips and is about to unwrap his Chicken
Baguette when in walks this young Garda.
He looks at Waffler and says,"Is that your Taxi outside?".
Waffler looks up and says ,"Yes ,Why whats wrong?".
"Can you step outside for a minute ,sir?",the cop says.
Waffler gets up and thinks,"There's no way i am leaving my food there".
He picks up his tray and follows the young cop outside.
"What's the problem ?",he says to the cop.
The cop is standing at the back of the taxi and says,
"There's only one of your lights working at the back and the same at the front".
Waffler is flabbergasted,,"WTF",he thinks to himself.
Waffler looks at the cop and says,"They're my parking lights i left on,Are you serious?".
"Can you put on your ignition and put on your lights properly ?",says the cop stone-faced.
"Okay",says Waffler scratching his head as he left his meal on the roof on the Taxi.
He puts on his lights and the cop walks around the car checking the lights.
"Okay,sir,everything seems to be in order",says the cop.
Waffler gets out of his taxi and looks at the cop as he walks away.
 There across the road is a police car with a few cops who are in convulsions.
One of them waves to Waffler to go over to them .
Waffler goes over and the cop says,"Sorry  about that ,that cop is only a rookie and
we were just winding him up,we sent him in to you.".
Waffler seen the funny side of it and chuckled to himself as he grabbed his meal and went back
inside and finished his grub.
"Mmmmm,this is nice",he laughed to himself.. ..

 THE ITALIAN JOB 

Dotty was driving his taxi through Dublin city center when he gets a
call from his dispatcher on his radio,"Driver 3",she says.
"Driver 3 here,go ahead",says Dotty.
"Driver 3,can you go to that Italian restaurant in Dame st and pick up a fare",
"Roger that ",says Dotty.
Dame st is a very busy street and it can be difficult to get somewhere
to park which Dotty found as he got to the restaurant.
A Garda(police) car had just pulled outside the restaurant as Dotty
approached so Dotty had to pull up in front of them.
One of the Garda got put of their car and went into the shop beside the
restaurant.
"Probably on a coffee break ", says Dotty to himself.
Dotty put on his hazard lights, as he was parked on double yellow lines,
and jumps out of the taxi and signaled to the other garda who was in the car that
he would be just a minute.
Dotty goes in to the restaurant and tells the Waitress he was there to
pick up some people to bring to a Hotel.
"One moment,please",she says as she walked over to a table where
there was a couple sitting.

The man was a guy about 65 years old and looked like a Don.
The girl was about 20 years old and she was gorgeous.
Dotty was smitten.
The waitress spoke to them in Italian and then came over to Dotty and
said,"they will be out to you in a moment,they have very little English."
Dotty goes outside and the garda car is still there behind him.
He gets in his car and looks in his rear view mirror and the garda
comes out of the shop with 2 coffees and gets in the garda car.
Then just as the garda closes the car door behind him, out comes
the Italian couple who proceed to get into the garda car.
"Oh no", says Dotty ,who jumps out of the car and goes back to the
garda car where one of the garda is trying to explain that they
were not a taxi but a police car.
"Mamma mia ",says Dotty.
They all stop and look out at Dotty.
"Taxi",says Dotty pointing at his taxi
One of the garda says,"Thats the first time we've had anyone get voluntarily into our car"..
Everyone starts laughing as the couple climb out of the car and go with
Dotty to his taxi.
Dotty drops them to their Hotel and the guy says ,"Grazie",as he hands Dotty
a nice tip
"That was a great Italian Job "thought Dotty as he looked at the 20 euro tip he got..








 .

Bunny Baer

"All my live s a circle",sang Bunny,as he went around the block
one more time in his taxi.
"This is brutal ",he says to himself in the taxi,"Not a sign of a customer anywhere".
"Flip this",says Bunny,"i m off for a coffee."
Bunny heads down the canal and turns on to Baggot st to the Coffee shop.
There is already a few of his colleagues there ,all drinking their coffee.
Bunny finds a space for his car and parks up.
Now for the tricky part as Bunny always struggled to climb out of his car.
Bunny weighed about 26 stone and had a huge Belly ,which gave him a lot of problems when he was driving as the steering wheel rubbed off his belly.
He tried putting his seat back away from the steering wheel but unfortunately
his little legs could not reach the pedals so he had to put up with his belly squashed against the steering wheel,when he turned corners he had to take a deep breath and hold his belly in.
Anyway he rolled out of the car,picked his belly up and waddled towards the shop. A few lads outside greeted him,one of them says "Alright 2 bellies,hows it going"?
"Same shit,different day",says Buddy.
In he goes to the shop and gets his coffee and a Yorkie bar(his Favourite)
Crowds of mostly lads are hanging around drinking their coffee.
This lady walks in ,gets a coffee and stands beside Bunny.
"Its very slow out there ",says Bunny.Before she can answer,Bunny says,
"I ve been out for the last four and a half hours and all i have got is twenty seven euro."
"Have you been out long yourself?",he says to her.
"About an hour and a half ",she says.
"How are you doing yourself?",Bunny says.
"Not bad", she says,"I have 150 euro."
"Holy shit",says Bunny ,"what am i doing wrong?".
And before she can answer Bunny waddles out of the shop.
All the lads in the shop heard what was being said and they were in fits of laughter.The Lady was in fact a hooker,but poor oul Bunny assumed she was a taxi driver.

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MAGOO

One night (a good few years ago),Magoo was driving his cab past a well known 

college in South Dublin when he was hailed by a few guys.

He pulls up and one of the guys is helped into the seat behind Magoo.

He has on a long trench-coat ,straw like hat and a pair of sunglasses,
and a scarf around his neck.

Magoo says ,"Hey ,lads ,Is your friend Ok?"

"Yeah ,don't worry he wont get sick ,he is just dead sleepy",said one of the

guys laughing nervously as he got in the back with the sleepy guy.

One other guy got in the front seat beside Magoo.

"Where to lads?".

"Dead straight",says the guy in the front says and they burst out laughing,

except for the guy with the sunglasses who was dead still with his head leaning

against the window behind Magoo.

"Whats with the sunglasses on your mate?",says Magoo.

The lads cant stop laughing and the guy awake in the back says,

"Ah don't mind him hes a deadbeat".

They eventually get to their destination and Magoo pulls over to the side of the 

road and the guy in the front says,"We're getting out here ,except for sleepy behind you,

Here's 30 euros,he is just going to that dead-end  down there."

The guys head off up the road in fits of laughter.

"Whats so funny ?",thinks Magoo.

Magoo drives down the dead-end .

"Alright,Buddy, here you are",he says.

He looks behind him and there's not a move out of the guy.

After a few minutes of trying to wake the guy up by turning up the volume on the radio

and opening the window,Magoo gets fed up and jumps out of the cab and opens the 

door that the guy is asleep against.

The guy falls out straight on to the ground like a dead-weight,

The sunglasses and the hat fall off .

"What the feck",says Magoo.

The guy has no eyes,but worst off all he he was lying there dead-still.

Magoo checks his pulse and there's nothing there,so he rings an Ambulance,.

It turns out the guy was a Body from a Medical Research School.
"That was some deadly night ",thought Magoo as he headed home for a Stiff drink.

 TWEETY PIE

Driving past the Merchant pub one Saturday night these 2 Ladies,

about early 50's, put their hand out for Waffler's cab.

The ladies get into the back seat and say,"Can you take us

to Finglas ,first,and then to Swords,please ?".

"Okey Dokey",says Waffler.

Off they go and the 2 ladies are having a good natter and one of the 

Ladies kept referring to the other lady as ,"Sweetie Pie".

They arrive in Finglas and one Lady gets out and waves goodbye .

So they head up St. Margaret's road and the second lady,who was quite 

glamorous,says to Waffler,"Can you pull the cab over for a minute,Sweetie Pie,

I can't find my phone in this Handbag".

"No probs",he says .

The handbag was huge.

"Can you ring my phone for me,i cant find it",she says.She calls out her number.

Waffler rings her phone and she eventually finds it.

"Thanks ,I just want to ring a few friends to see where they went tonight,

They were supposed to meet up with us earlier".

They head up St.Margaret's  road towards Swords,which is a long and winding

country road.

The lady has her glasses on in the back of cab and she is fiddling with her phone.

Suddenly Waffler's phone starts ringing.

"I  wonder who that is ?",thought the Waffler.

Waffler presses his loudspeaker button on his phone which was in a Hand's free 

kit above the Steering Wheel.

"Hello ",he says.

There was a bit of a pause .then a female voices says,

"Sweetie Pie, Where are you ?".

"What the ?",thinks the Waffler and then looks in his rear view mirror and the Lady 

in the back is saying ,"Sweetie Pie,where are you?"

The Waffler starts laughing and says ,"I am right beside ,you ,Sweetie Pie".

The Lady looks up towards the front of the cab and says,

"Oh my god ",she laughs,"I rang you".

They both have a good laugh.

A few minutes later it happens again and then again,

At this stage the Waffler can barely drive he's laughing that much

with tears coming from his eyes.

They finally arrive at the Lady's house in Swords and the Lady gives Waffler 

a nice tip for the laugh.

"I should be paying you ",he says laughing.

"I'll have to get stronger reading glasses",she says.

They say goodbye and Waffler was about 5 minutes up the road

when his phone rings,"Sweetie Pie......................Where are you?".

 HARD EARNED TIP

Waffler was driving down The North Circular rd at about 10 pm,

when a guy stepped out from the side of the Mater Hospital dressed

in Striped Pyjamas and a Bathing robe draped over them with

a Big Bandage wrapped around his head, hailed his Taxi.

"Take me to Clontarf",he says in a rough Dublin accent,as he gets in the 

back seat.

Waffler looks over his shoulder at him,All he could see of his face was a 

pair of big green piercing eyes staring at him ,and a beard covering his jaw.

"Go",says the guy,"I have done a bunk out of that Hospital".

"What happened to you ?",says Waffler as he pulls off.

"I fell off a window ledge when i tried to climb in the window

of my house,i forgot my key",says he.

They get to his house in lovely and posh Clontarf .

"How much do i owe you ,Bud?",he says.

The fare was ten euros and the guy says,

"Tell you what,I will give you an extra fiver if you will give me a bunt(lift)

over them gates",

Waffler looks at the gates and they are fairly high.

"  Ok",he says and they both get out of the Taxi.

Waffler puts his back against the gates,locks his hands together

and the guy steadies his slippers on his feet and climbs onto

Waffler's hands and grabs onto the top of the gate and with help from Waffler 

ends up on the top of the Gate.

"I'm stuck",he wails,"help me get down from here".

Waffler thinks to himself,"How do i get myself in these situations?".

He looks up and the guy is hanging on ,and the guy says, "Just push me over".

The Waffler pushes him and the next thing he hears is a big thud  on 

the other side of the gate.

"Aaaah",that hurt",says a voice from the other side of the gate.

"Are you ok?",says the Waffler.

"I'll live",says the guy.

Next a hand appears at the top of the gate and the guy says,

"Thanks,Taxi-man,High Five".

So they High five and the guys stumbles over to the door.

Waffler says to himself,as he heads off,"That was a hard earned tip". 

 NEW-BRIDGE

Driving through Temple Bar,3 guys wave down Waffler.
"Can you take us to Newbridge,mate?",1 of them said in an English accent.
"Yes ,jump in",said the Waffler,thinking to himself,"Happy days ,this could be worth about 65 euros.
(Newbridge is in county Kildare ....about 45 minutes drive from Dublin)
The boys are fairly well hammered and they fall into the back seat.
As they turn the corner to go up the quays,there,s this girl swaying on a huge pair of high heels 
in the middle of the road trying to navigate her way across it.
Waffler slows down to let her by,when one of the boys in the back says,
"you,s Irish know how to have a good time".
They fly up the quays passing Capel bridge ,then a few more bridges,
Then pass the James Joyce Bridge ,with Heuston station just in front of them,
When a voice from the back says,"STOP".
Waffler jams on thinking one of the boys was unwell,
"This is us ,mate",says one of the boys,pointing at the James Joyce bridge,
"The New Bridge".
"I don't. believe it",thought the Waffler.
"How much mate?".
"Oh eh 6.50",said the Waffler.
"Keep the change ,mate",said the guy as he handed Waffler a ten euro note.
"Thanks mate ",said the Waffler laughing at how he got that one wrong.

Some people

Driving along the grand canal the other night,the Waffler came to Rialto bridge

and was about to turn left to Rialto,when in the distance along the canal there was a guy waving for a taxi.He looked a bit rough even from a distance ,but Waffler took a chance and zoomed down to him.The guy jumps in and says ,”Can you take me to Rathmines”.

“No prob”,says Waffler.

The guy says,”I had to walk a long way to get taxi ,no von vould stop for me ,about 6 taxis went by”.

"Where are you from “,says waffler.

“Bucharest”,he says.The waffler looked at him and in his hand he was carrying a drill,”I Would not have stopped for you mate if i had seen that in your hand”,the Waffler thought to himself.

“The reason no one would stop for you is 1…..its a rough area

and 2..see that Power Drill you’re carrying in your hand with the drill bit inserted ,

Need i say more ?”.says the Waffler.

“But i need it for work ,No drill no work”,he says,”Like you no car ,no work”.

“Just a bit of advice ,mate, next time carry it in a bag if you want a taxi to stop for you”,says the Waffler.

“Some people,ha ha”,the Waffler thought to himself.

Sucker

One night driving along North Circular ,this girl puts her hand out for Waffler,s Taxi.

Waffler pulls over and the girl gets in and then gets out  and looks up at the taxi sign and gets back in and says ,”Oh you’re a taxi “.

“Hello”, says Waffler,”Why do you think i stopped and why did you put your hand out “.

“Ok,I need to get to Clondalkin”,she says.

“I have only 2 euros”,she says,”In my country the taxis are much cheaper than here,this trip would only cost 2 euros”.”Where are you from?”,he says..”I am from Uganda,she says..

“You can get a bus,that will be cheaper than a taxi,”he says…”No no,i want to go with you”,she says

“Sorry love but its a long drive to there, it will cost about 20 euros”,he says.

With that she opens her handbag ,which was huge and whips out a phone.

“You can have this phone if you bring me home and also give me 20 euros”,she says.

He looks at the phone and says,”you’ve gotta be kidding me”.

“Wait,wait,i have an iphone4,you can have that for the same price”,she says.

Waffler can't believe.his luck and he has a quick look at it and it looks ok .

“Wait ,i need to take out my sim card “,she says.

“Ok ,thats a deal”,says Waffler.

So they head off and they had only got 5 minutes up the road when the girl says,

“Can i have my phone back ,please.”

“What”,says Waffler as he pulls over to the kerb.

“No prob ,just give me the 20 euros back and we can go our separate ways”,says he.

“Only joking”,she says,”drive on”.

“Are you sure ,its your choice,so let's shake on it and thats the end of it,i don't want you asking for the phone when we get there”,he says.

“No its ok ,go go”,she says.

They get to their destination and its a really rough part of Clondalkin,.and they turn on to a cul de sac and there is a gang of rough looking blokes at the corner and the girl says,”Them irish guys have beaten me up and robbed me before,Will you wait till i get inside”

“No prob” ,he says,”but will you be quick ,i don't. want to hang around myself”.

She gets out and goes in and as the Waffler approached the corner to get out of there,one of the gang put there hand out as if to hail his taxi,Waffler slowed down and put his indicator on as if to stop,But as soon as he came beside them he took off like a rocket and one of them threw a rock at the car and they all tried to chase after him but he was lucky ,he got away.

Next day the Waffler takes out the iphone and shows it to his daughter.

“Da”,she laughs,”This is not an iphone,its a copy,How did you not know ?”.

“Oh no , i was suckered”,he says.

“Ah well there's one born every day”,he says.

They both had a good laugh about it and about a week later ,Waffler was telling the story to his in-laws,and one of them says,”This is your lucky day Waffler,I am upgrading my phone ,you can have my old iphone 4,just pay me the 80 euros i paid to get a new screen on it”.

“Happy days,”said the Waffler,”Alls well that ends well. .

A Rainy night in Dublin

Waffler was driving along  O'Connell st in his taxi and could barely see out of the window with all the heavy rain bouncing off the window.This guy in a black leather jacket ,jeans and a big mop of red hair whistles with his hand outstretched from a doorway.Waffler pulls up a few metres past the guy .The guy opens the back door, puts what looked like a big black bag on the back seat and then jumps in the front seat beside Waffler .
"Where to?",says He.
"Phibsboro,and make it quick",says Redser
"Horrible night",says Waffler.
"Just drive",says Redser.
"Okey dokey".
As they are approaching their destination,Redser shouts,"Stop here".
Waffler pulls over and the meter reads 6 euros,and before he gets a chance to say the fare,Redser opens the door throws 15 euros on the seat and runs off down the road.
"Happy days",he thought to himself,"nice tip".
With that he proceeded to do a u-turn and just when he was halfway through it ,when he heard a big scream come from the back seat ,"Where the feck do you think you're going?".
Waffler jams the brakes ,WTF,he thinks and looks behind him and there behind him is this tiny little woman.
"I am going to Ballymun,Did you forget about me?".

"Jeez ,i did not know you were there",he says.
What he thought was a black bag that Redser threw in the back seat was actually this little bundle dressed in black.
"Dont mind that Bollix,we had a Bull and Cow",she says,as she climbs over the seat and jumps in the front seat
 beside him nearly taking his head off with her Stilettos
They head to Ballymun and The little woman never stopped waffling and poor oul Waffler couldn't get a word in edge ways.
They  pull up outside her house and still she carries on with her yapping ,the meter is gone past the 15 euros at this stage .
Finally she stops talking ,looks at the meter which is at 22 euros,and says "How much did he give you ?".
"15",says he.
"The miserable shite,i have no money,hang on till i have a look in my handbag",she says.
"You're going to have to call back tomorrow for the rest of the money ,cause all i have is 1 euro."
"Here take it anyway",she says as she opens the door and points to her house and says,"That's my house,come back tomorrow".She closes the door and heads in to her house trying to balance herself on her Stilettos.
Poor Waffler what he thought was a handy tip turned into a loss.(He never went back for the rest of the fare).